All For Love – #shadesoflove

It was a cloudy day and Neerja had woken up with a migraine that not only exploded her brain but made her furious too. This migraine has been her constant companion since the past forty years now and she knows how it is going to make her entire day unproductive. Still lying on the bed, she called out Manish for a cup of tea only to realize that her house was empty and Manish had left the mortal world few months back. She had pleaded with her children – Sakshi & Satyam to stay back for a month, but work, commitments, family, called them back immediately after the thirteenth day rituals.

‘Ah! I wish any of you were here with me,’ she said aloud, getting up and looking at their framed pictures. A small cloud of sadness took over her heart and she remembered the day when the other three had argued with her to let Sakshi go. Tempers flared; bitter words were spoken rendering a complete silence at home for a week. Reluctantly Neerja had given-in and Sakshi was out of her nest, and only returned hearing the news of her father’s demise.

Unlike Neerja, her children had always dreamt of living in America. So, having secured a seat at the Princeton, Sakshi had left first and then two years later Satyam joined her too. Now, they were the citizens of America, had their families, friends, and a happy life there. Neerja & Manish had visited them twice, but Neerja never found solace in foreign country for she was born in the family of freedom fighters and loved India with all her heart ever since she was a little girl. Her mama would fondly tease her that she was a female Bhagat Singh, loving the motherland more than anything else and she would feel very proud of it.

However, today she was in no mood to think about anything and a long day ahead of her. She had to visit the bank to sign few documents to receive her husbands’ pension, then buy groceries, clean and cook, eat and clear the attic. With the migraine, Neerja ticked off her list very slowly and now only one task lay ahead of her – cleaning the attic. This was a tri-monthly activity that Manish had on his list. Now, everything came up to her, cleaning the house, garage, attic, farmhouse, harvesting vegetables, etc. Now cursing her migraine, she slowly climbed up the stairs and opened the doors to the attic. To her surprise, Manish had kept it impeccably neat, the cupboards all one side, the metal shelf polished, the boxes neatly labelled, the papers all sorted and albums stacked on the shelf. Feeling grateful to her late husband, Neerja began dusting the cobwebs from the ceiling. Out of curiosity, she opened the giant box named Miscellaneous and found random clippings of poetry and crosswords from the newspaper, her husband had meticulously collected. Manish loved the print as he was the editor-in-chief of Swadesh, the most loved newspaper among patriots and aspiring journalists. Neerja smiled, remembering the energy and zeal, her husband and she had spent discussing about the country, its growth, the corrupt politicians, the achievers, etc. They always had a great time, a very healthy debate when it came to talking about India. Both of them loved their country but when it came to Sakshi & Satyam, Manish had realized their dreams and set them free. Underneath, all the cuttings, she saw a familiar and old, thick brown envelope. Her heart stopped breathing as she picked it up from the box and sat down on the floor. Her whole childhood, adolescence, and adult life, all the happiness, the pain, the dull ache, and her life with Manish flashed before her eyes. “Ajay” she whispered softly tears flowing from her eyes as memories flooded her hearts, her best friend, her one true love, her world – he had left her shattering her heart into million pieces creating a void in her.

“Hello Neerajay,” the colony members would often tease them right from the age they used to share their rattles. “They are meant for each other,” “See how those tiny hands are always holding each other,” “Ram-Sita ki jodi,” etc. were the normal comments they were used to listening, since childhood. At the beginning they used to laugh it off, then gradually denied having anything more than true friendship. But as they turned teens, love took its root and in their early twenties they were so inseparable, spending every waking moment with each other. But all hell broke loose in the relationship when Ajay decided to move to Germany for two years accepting a job offer there. Two years seemed like an eternity and both yearned for each other. Although they wrote letters, spoke over the calls, nothing was as comforting as seeing each other, holding hands, or lying on each other’s lap. The day came when Ajay was to arrive and Neerja had kept the entire colony busy with arranging a welcome party for him. Ajay was bubbling with so much enthusiasm & happiness too. Hailing a cab from the airport, he had headed straight to the colony to be with his Neerja and his family hoping for a new beginning. Secretly, in her heart, Neerja hoped that Ajay would propose her and they would get married this year. Afterall, they had dreamt a long life together, decided how many children they would have, their names, the trips that they would all take, the growing up of their children in the comfort of the same colony, etc.

Hearing the brakes of the car, she was jolted from the glossy dreams. Hearts fluttered, happy tears flowed, hugs exchanged, Neerajay was finally reunited. Ajay was elated and the entire colony felt like a family. Seizing the opportunity, Ajay had removed the ring from his pocket and proposed Neerja to be his soulmate forever. And as she said yes, the colony erupted with joy and it was the perfect ending for a new beginning in life. However, a week later things changed as Ajay revealed that he & Neerja would settle in Germany as he had been promoted to Manager and offered a permanent position in the company. Neerja was shocked and anguished, their dreams – to see their children grow in the same colony, in their country, with the people they had known and trusted, to instill patriotism in them, all lay broken. Neerja had pleaded with Ajay to make him stay here, his parents, her parents, all the colony people tried to reason with him, but Ajay was adamant and hopeful in having a quality life in the country he now called ‘home’. When Ajay refused to hear anymore, all of them had pleaded with Neerja to compromise and move to Germany and it would not matter where they lived when they were together. In her heart Neerja knew that Ajay was her love, her home, her comfort, her everything and nothing else mattered but then her love for the country, her parents, her extended family in the colony – that was too much to leave behind. She knew that she would never feel the comfort, be happy or content if she would leave them behind and a bitter wife would only make Ajay’s life painful and depressed. Moreover, for the past two years these people, her family and friends had kept her going, supporting her whenever she missed Ajay and needed a shoulder to cry and vent. How could she live them behind? The familiar smells of the Raatrani tree in her colony, the giggles of the children around her, the treks to the mountains that gave her hope and courage, the warmth when she met new people on the buses, the train-rides they took together – all the things that were the evidence of her growing up and her memories with her grandparents, how could she leave them behind?

So, the ineluctable happened, Neerajay split and the colony had turned gloomy. Ajay, heartbroken, left by the next day morning flight and that was the last time Neerja saw him. Shattered and depressed, Neerja clung to all the pictures of them, the letters Ajay had written to her, the dried red rose, the pink nail polish, the kalamkari dupatta and a hand-drawn card he had drawn her for the Valentine’s Day before he had left to Germany. Tears never stopped flowing from her eyes, her prayers were more fervent and she became distant with everyone around her.

Manish’s family, was one amongst the in the colony who had witnessed this love story bloom and wither. So when Manish proposed marriage to Neerja, he had told her that, he is not looking to replace Ajay in her heart and he is ready to wait for her to heal again. And that he would be a friend, a companion for her to share all her happiness and sorrows. Ajay’s parents moved to Germany with him and it was the last she heard about them. It had taken Neerja two years to agree for the marriage and many more years to maybe love Manish as he loved her. It was during the first night of their marriage that she had handed this brown envelope to Manish and requested him to put it away or destroy it, as he may deem fit. Years later, when Manish had asked her if she loves him, she could only smile and he understood her, like the day he had proposed to her. Few months back, as Manish lie on the death bed, he had asked her if she loves him back now and she had silently nodded a YES, keeping her fingers crossed.

Today, going through this envelope, she wept for the two men in her life – the one whom she loved with all her heart, ever since she had known love and the one who loved her unconditionally without any expectations.

This post is written for StorytellersBlogHop Season 3 hosted by Ujjwal & MeenalSonal